It's a long article but I am begging you, please go here and read this:
Infertility Etiquette
Much of what is said applies to women who have miscarried also.
Becky, thank you so much for the link.
Edited to add: Sorry for a bad link. It should work now.
Infertility Etiquette
Much of what is said applies to women who have miscarried also.
Becky, thank you so much for the link.
Edited to add: Sorry for a bad link. It should work now.
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6 comments:
You know, I really liked that article. It's very educational. If I could add one thing to that article it would be some advice I got from my doctor after I lost my little girl. He told me that I needed to be the voice. I couldn't expect people to be sensitive to my situation unless I told them about it. (Alta, I'm not referring to you because obviously you are telling us.)
Another thing I've taken to heart was that I couldn't expect people to tiptoe around me. People are going to complain about their pregnancies, and they are going to talk about how hard it is to raise kids but that's because that is their current situation. I think it's just as important for me to remember that their trials are personal to them just as mine are to me. If they shouldn't complain about pregnancy to me, then I shouldn't complain about not being able to have kids around them. It will just make them feel guilty when it is not their fault. Instead we should be able to help each other and raise each other up. You know, the covenants we made at baptism, "comfort those that stand in need of comfort, . . . mourn with those that mourn."
Also, we have to remember that people say insensitive things without meaning to. They just do. Instead of getting angry and bitter, I've found that it's much better if something said really bothers me (meaning I can't just let it roll off my back), that I should educate them and let them know without being rude or critical. Chances are that they'll feel guilty even if I was polite and informative.
Anyway, sorry this is a long comment. I know I'm technically not infertile, but some of the emotions have been the same as I've had to deal with accepting not getting pregnant.
I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to post a link to your blog on mine. I really think people do need to read that article.
I agree LeMira about being kind no matter what people say. It has only been in the last few years that I am able to be around women who are pregnant or have new babies and not hate them. It was so frustrating because my brain would say "it's not their fault they can have babies and you can't" but my wounded soul was so much louder.
I really loved that article, thanks for posting it (and thanks for fixing the link). My favorite thing that people say is "I'm just so glad that God has entrusted me to raise these children." I'm the same as you, I have to tell myself, "they don't mean that God doesn't trust me, they're just grateful."
It's nice to see some of what i feel written down, and not by me :)
Great article and something my friend shared with me a couple months ago. I should have passed it on sooner,everyone should read this!!!
Thank you. I have so much empathy for my sisters in the world who suffer from infertility. Our Samuel was born after 6.5 years of marriage. We had decided we would prepare to adopt a baby, and within six months we found out I was pregnant. Infertility treatments were never the right decision for us so we never pursued them. I have relatives and friends who still suffer and I give all the love I have to them, because I know. Again, thank you.
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