We ran away for the weekend.
It was helpful.
But now we're back and reality is here.
I still have school, I have to pack up maternity clothes, I have to return the huge pile of cute baby boy things I bought...
This is the hard part.
Last Wednesday night as we were driving south to spend a few days with friends at a cabin I started bleeding. I talked to my doctor and decided to keep going but to take things really easy and check in with him in the morning. But within a half an hour I was feeling really yucky so off to the ER we went.
There are few things in life more upsetting then seeing your baby on an ultrasound with no heartbeat.
I learned that one of the things more upsetting is finding out you are far enough along that the safest thing is to go through labor and deliver the baby.
It sucks.
Thank you so much to all of you for your thoughts and prayers. We can feel them and are so grateful for the outpouring of love we have felt.
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8 comments:
I am just heart broken. I can't imagine how you must feel...I love you Alta.
My heart breaks for you. Take care and find peace.
I'm so sorry...love you Alta. (((hugs)))
Oh Alta!
I can't believe all you have been through and your determination to keep going forward. I am so proud of you and your willingness to share your pain and suffering with others--I think this takes GREAT courage. I am so very sorry for your loss; I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if I can do more.
I love you!
Hey Alta, I was 16 weeks along when I miscarried so kind of know what you are going through. It takes more time to heal the farther along you were, and you will never forget, but eventually you do heal. I am thinking of you and know that I love you!
I love you as well. I know we haven't seen each other in years, but I will always be grateful for the friendship we shared when we lived in Orem. I've always loved your sincerity and honesty. I was joyful to hear you were expecting again and very sad to hear the baby had died.
Know that you are not alone and that you are loved. I grieved so hard for my miscarriage, and I was only 8 weeks along, so I'd had less time to dream and dare to hope. Grieve. Pray, if you can. Maybe make something for your baby, something you can pour love into and keep to remember this baby. Count your miscarriages when you mentally count up your children, because they are still part of your family. Most of all, know that you are loved.
Have you read the book "Gone Too Soon" by Sherri Devashrayee Wittwer? I found it helpful, and I have a copy that I will mail to you, if you want it.
Oh Alta, I'm way behind on my blog reading obviously, but I'm so so sorry. My heart just breaks thinking about what you're going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers. *Hugs!*
I don't know you. I somehow came across your blog just now. I lost my baby boy at 19 weeks a little over 18 months ago. The worst words I have ever heard in my entire life were "no heartbeat." So heartbroken that you have had to go through this. It hurts...for a very long time...and maybe forever. I'm so sorry.
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