A general feeling of yuckiness combined with constant fear of miscarriage has made me feel not clever enough for blogging lately.
The yuckiness, I hear, is a good thing. Apparently women who experience "morning sickness" are less likely to miscarry so that's good right? Since I feel gross pretty much all the time I should be reassured...
Yet my history makes me really afraid to get excited. Even though I had an ultrasound and we saw a little blob with a heartbeat, I am afraid to be too hopeful.
Then there's the lingering issue of shock because getting pregnant really was the last thing on my mind (I know, everyone says that is when it happens). But really, the last time I got pregnant was 7 years ago. And just to be clear on how strange this is, Scott and I have been married for 14 1/2 years and in that whole time our only form of birth control was the pill for 3 months after Celeborn was born.
And I'm not going to lie... I feel a little guilty that I'm not over the moon excited about this. I can't even tell you how much money and time we have spent trying to have children. And now, I find that I'm kind of scared to have another baby.
Red White and Blue Trifles
4 years ago
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7 comments:
It seems that when you've wanted something for so long that you've given up hope and built a protective layer around your heart to cushion it from the not getting of the something, that's just when God comes out of nowhere and T-bone's you with your heart's desire!
So, Miss Alta, after you recover from the shock and awe (the whiplash) and you finally get your breath back, you will be ready to embrace this gift with open arms. Till then, do yourself a favor and quit feeling guilty about being blindsided because it's not what you were "expecting" (pun intended) at all! :)
Much love and best wishes,
Heidi
It is hard to get your hopes up when you have been hurt before. Only a few more weeks until maybe you can relax a little right? Once you pass a certain point, things will get easier.
Don't feel guilty about this, it is a natural thing for a person who has had your experiences.
We are all carrying the excitement for you right now. We will continue this and you will join us when you are ready.
Hope you feel better soon :-)
I sure love you. Heavenly Father's will is funny sometimes. You guys are in my prayers and I know I, for one, can't wait to coo over the little tiny human you have cooking inside you :)
Ahh, yes, the roller coaster of a women's emotions and expectations -- speaking for myself, of course! Seems we women can find a way to feel guilty about everything! Personally, I think that Heavenly Father loves throwing surprises into our lives. We are thrilled for you and still praying our guts out.
Oh, and btw, I wish I could have written the comment Heidi wrote. Absolutely perfect . . . and just how I feel, too! lovelovelove
Wow, Heidi could not have put that any better!!!!! She's amazing with words and that's exactly what I feel for ya! You are in our prayers and we are so happy for you guys!!!
Congrats on the baby comin!! I was so excited when I found out. I hope all turns out well. As far as the sickness goes I'm very sorry, it just plain stinks!!! But I was also told that it was a good sign by all the Drs and nurses. I had weeks of bleeding with both my kids in the first trimester but I was also very sick so that gave the drs hope that I wasn't miscarring. So I am hopeful that it's a good sign:) Even though it sucks.
You don't have to be happy about it right now. Let us be happy for you and then you can be happy when you're ready:)
Your a strong women, hang in there.
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