Sometimes grief is so overwhelming you can't manage.
It spills out and takes over.
Sometimes so much and so fast you can't even breathe.
Last night grief took over for a little while.
It was not pretty.
I learned a lot though.
Often when couples go through a traumatic life event, rather than becoming closer, it tears them apart. I saw the beginning of that chasm. Last night as Scott and I struggled to communicate our very different feelings about our loss, it was like I could literally see a crack on the ground between us and when I looked up I could see the great chasm it could become. It was like I was sitting in this pivotal moment and the choices we made would make the difference between leaving the crack between us or stepping together and leaving the crack behind.
I know this isn't the first time that crack has appeared, and it certainly won't be the last, but somehow last night we muddled our way through communicating how we were both feeling without letting it come between us.
Marriage is hard.
Grief is hard.
Our dear friend Julie, who lost her son Jonah in September, has started blogging. She wrote the most beautiful post about grief. You should read it but make sure you have tissue handy. I've added her to my sidebar so you can follow her blog with me.
And when you are done, click over to No Biggie and read about our friends Kyle and Kami who just had a baby weighing less than 13 oz. I just love them so much and am sending all my love and prayers to their sweet family.
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6 comments:
No doubt about it men and women grieve differently especially about the loss of a child. It's a miracle to me that any marriage lasts.
Keep your miracle alive.
Alta, I love that idea of seeing a literal crack. I think that is so accurate. I love your family, and your strength.
Alta,
Thank you so much for writing this post (it was amazing and honest as usual) and for sharing Julie & Jordan's story about their little boy, Jonah. You were right about her blog; I wept upon reading it. It touched me deeply and made me realize again how much I take for granted every single day.Please tell them how sorry I am for their loss, and that I will hug my (big) kids tighter today because of their story, her words, and their grief. I do not know them, but I am amazed at their willingness to share and the beautiful faith and testimony that Julie shared on her blog. Tell them they are in my prayers as are you and your family. Much love and may you all find the peace you so deserve.
There is something amazing about the fact that you could identify the crack. It gives you the chance to make a honest decision. It proves that you are strong and smart. Grief is so strong it can be blinding but it sounds like you love your husband enough to not be blinded completely. To perhaps step outside your grief and recognize what was happening. I can't imagine that was easy and I think you are amazing for your strength. I love you and I hope you feel some comfort sometimes.
Your writings always touch me, thank you for sharing.
Alta,
Been there over and over - and over! You're grieving, Scott's grieving (albeit without raging hormones...!) your boys are no doubt also grieving.
Marriage is hard. Grief is crazy hard. Making the choice to 'stand on the same side of the crack' is by far the best decision Lane and I ever made. It's carried us through many trials, challenges, horrible circumstances and continues to do so.
Wahoo for your for recognizing the crack!
It's worth the work...that I can promise you.
xoxo
Denise
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