Alta talks...

...and you maybe wish she wouldn't.

I've been a bit reluctant to post about what has been going on with me because it isn't easy to talk about. However, as you all know, I am not shy about sharing. So here goes...

I've been on a roller coaster since my miscarriage in July. This was an unplanned pregnancy at a time when I felt very unprepared to deal with another baby. I felt like the world turned upside down. Then just as I was getting used to the idea, and actually getting excited about it, our baby died. My world turned right side up? Technically we were back to the plans we had before but nothing felt the same. Thank heavens for friends and family who took care of us! Also thank heavens for Nicole who made me talk to my doctor about my depression and anxiety so I could get some medication. I have such a "fix it myself" attitude that I always resist asking for help. Can I just say that I feel so much better! Whether it's temporary or long term, there is no shame in taking medication to help with depression and anxiety.

Because I got pregnant, I qualified for Medicaid to cover all of the medical expenses. I wish we had real insurance to cover things all the time but that is an argument for another day. I get to stay on Medicaid for 60 days after the pregnancy ended which means I have insurance until the middle of September. Because of this I decided to have some long overdue surgery.

Without grossing you out, we'll just say the recovery has been really painful. Specifically anything involving sitting... I should be starting Fall classes today but it's just not going to happen. Did I mention yet how glad I am for my anti-depressants?

Anyway, I am on the mend. Life is good and moving forward. I can't believe that everyone in our family is in school! Of course, I cried because my littlest is in Kindergarten, but also because just more than a month ago we thought we would be having another baby and all of the firsts that come along with it.

But we'll be okay.