I made it.
It's the end of January.
It has been a weird month though. And to be honest, some days it was really hard to come up with something I'm grateful for. Not that I don't have plenty of reasons, just that some days the gratitude was a little hard to find.
So here goes.
31. I am grateful that I did not have a baby this month.
Not that I'm happy I miscarried, I am unbelievably sad. I feel confused and heartbroken.
But I also feel relieved.
It's okay to say that.
I am working really hard on finishing school. Scott is also a full-time student. It would have been super hard to add a baby into our schedule but it would have been amazing.
P.S.
I reserve the right to cry about it when I need to even though I am relieved.
Posts
8 comments:
And I reserve the right to offer you a hug, a shoulder, and a tissue :). I love you Alta--thank you for your honesty.
Of course you do. Loss and grief usually bring about conflicting emotions, and yet they're normal to experience.
From someone who watches you from a distance. I truly admire you.
Not watching you a werid way!!! Sorry I hope you don't think I am some stocker or something.
Of course you can cry Alta! Things are confusing and you can't always just feel one way about a single event
I understand because I'm done having babies.
Also, I'm sorry you didn't get to have a baby this month.
Blessings.
Ruth
I remember feeling relieved too, and then I felt guilty for feeling that way etc. Totally normal. I feel for you! And crying is it's own wonderful sort of therapy.
Just found your blog (Porter is so un sharing with stuff like this) look forward to keeping up with you guys. I hope you have a wonderful 2010!
Post a Comment